Proverbs 26: 24-26 (NKJV)

"He who hates, disguises it with his lips,
And lays up deceit within himself;
When he speaks kindly, do not believe him,
For there are seven abominations in his heart;
Though his hatred is covered by deceit,
His wickedness will be revealed before the assembly."

No-Lidders

This is a short clip they did where I work. I thought this was funny. If you know me, see if you can find me in this clip.

Focus

One thing I struggle with is being too focused on me. What I mean by that is I am very caught up in my thinking and my actions in me. I think of me, I do things I want or think I need. I get so into me that I get myself depressed when things don't work out like I want. It's really kind of childish. I see the same traits in my children. I scold them for it and then turn around and do the same sort of junk myself only on an "adult" level... whatever that really means. I spend so much time and energy pleasing myself (or trying to, anyway) that my service to those around me, including my God, suffers greatly.

This blog is about what I consider my God-given mission at this point in my life... fatherhood. I can absolutely guarantee that being focused on myself is a sure and absolute way to not be performing up to my full potential as a father. A mission is about service... to God, to others. At least the kind of mission I am talking about here. I cannot possibly serve God or others while trying to make sure I am doing all I want to do. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME. That is a theme that I've tried to remember for the past four years or so that started this entire thing. I am an insignificant part of the greater plan. Not that God can't use me significantly in any way that He chooses... It's that what I am or what I can do or what I want is infinitesimal compared to the greater plan. It's what God can use me for, what He can do through me that is significant.

I believe we were not put here to enjoy things. Not that finding joy in our work or even play is bad. But I believe that there is no promise that we will be happy. There is no promise we will not suffer. In fact, I believe that suffering is sort of a big part of it all. Christ suffered greatly for something He didn't even do... He suffered for us. He died for us. That's torture and death... And I can't even find the strength to think of others during my selfish day.

This stream of consciousness blabbering is not something I've sat and thought about... it's just something I am thinking about. I literally just sat down and started typing. Basically, I struggle with selfishness and I believe that limits my effectiveness as a father, husband, employee, Christian, etc. I also believe it contributes to my inability to find joy in my days. That is something else I struggle with. I want so badly to find joy in the everyday, mundane, God-given tasks... in all that I do. I know it's there. I just have to forget about me and make the focus on those I am serving. I believe that might be a good start. Well, pray for me if you care to. Thanks.

Ambushed On My Birthday... Again

My birthday, 41, came upon us recently. On my 40th my family ambushed me with water balloons and completely surprised me with it. I thought I was more on my guard this year but they got me with silly string and again, completely surprised me. I can assure you, it won't happen again.

My wife always makes me an angel food cake with chocolate icing, my favorite. She even makes the icing. This year Henry, 2+, helped ice the cake. She said he really did help. It looks like he enjoyed it quite a bit. I wonder what the ratio of how much went on the cake and how much went in Henry is?

My oldest, Ben - 13, made a pinata for the festivities. Paper mache and streamers and the well place fin and eye and we have a fish pinata. He was convinced that it was too weak and we'd break it way too fast. We pounded it pretty hard and it took quite a bit to finally break it. Inside were Rolos (which you cannot roll to your friend any more because they are now tapered at the top and just roll in a circle right back to you... I was wondering if that is some sort of candy-commentary on the state of our greedy, self-centered culture), Twix (mmmm), Snickers, Tootsie-Pops, Starbursts, Jolly Ranchers, M&Ms, and those little party popper things that you pull the string and it pops and shoots a little bit of confetti out of it.



The fish theme carried through out the day as the balloons my kids blew up had fish drawn on them and the phrase, "Have a fishy bday" was written on them. There were various hand-drawn signs hanging around the house that sported the same message and same fish drawings. The cake had little candy fishy things on top, too.

We also went to Fuddruckers for hamburgers at lunch. That's my favorite burger place around here. Between the big, fat burger for lunch, the french toast at breakfast and cake and ice cream along the way... I was stuffed and ready for a nap.

All in all we had a good time and it was a good day. Maybe I'll have another one next year.

Dead And In The Ground

The company/ministry I work for produces video of several different kinds. One kind is short video illustrations usually meant for supporting sermons or leaders in teaching small (or large) groups. They are anywhere from 30 seconds to a few minutes long and support a subject or point in a dramatic or humorous manner.

I say that to give a little background to the beginning of this story. I had my son, Jack, out at a local cemetery for a video shoot for work. I am not a video producer, I am a web developer but I have several kids of various ages so they come to me occassionally and say they have the need for a specific aged child and ask if they can use one of mine. The kids love it because it makes them feel like a star for a bit and they get to take part in what dad does at work. Anyway, there we were in the cemetery while they had Jack dressed up in a suit from the 1940s staging dramtic slow motion shots for a flashback scene in a clip they were working on. While this was going on I got to looking at the tombstones around the area where I was standing. Obviously this cemetery had been there for a while as there were some old stones there. Some that were very worn and difficult to read. Some that were next to trees where the roots had caused the stone to go crocked.

There was one that was for a three year old child that had died way back in 1906. At the top of the stone it said, "Gone but not forgotten." As I looked at this particular stone and how worn it was and how it was leaning a little and the little marble decorative pieces on the ground in front were not straight as they had been intended to be over 100 years ago, I wondered if there was anyone around who still had interest in this particular grave. The parents would obviously be gone by now. Most likely, any siblings would also be gone. There were no flowers, or any sign of any flowers. I wondered if anyone had come to look at this stone within a decade or more. I looked around and saw many such stones. I was a little sad thinking about the abandoned dead. Then I thought that all that cemetary, headstone, engravings, flowers, american flags on the graves, stuffed animals, figurings and all such stuff is not really for the dead at all. It is for the living. The dead don't care about all that because, well, they are dead.

I am not sure what the point here is.. maybe we feel the need to hang on to something. The memories and pain fade and maybe that bothers us all. That seems wrong to us. So, we try to remember in the cemetary. I don't know... it just made me think a little.

Boy's Games

Boys love to compete. Whether it is a board game, sporting event, wrestling... whatever can be a competition, boys will do it with all their might. Boys also love things like... guns and battle and playing war. Even grown boys like me.

My oldest son, Ben, got an airsoft pistol awhile back. Just a cheap springer that doesn't shoot very fast or very accurately. He and his buddies run around and shoot each other, competing of course. Well, his birthday came this summer and he wanted a better airsoft gun, and being the "boy" that I am, I was all into trying to make that happen. So I bought him an electric powered, fully-automated MP5 tactical rifle. It's what is called a Mid-level gun. Entry level are the springers that you cock and shoot one plastic BB at a time and mid-level are the next step up in both quality and price. Mid level guns run anywhere from $60 or so up to $200. A high-end gun runs from about $200 up to $1000, which is insane and rare. Most of the high-end are around $300 to $350. After he got his, my birthday was coming up and he wanted me to have one, too, so we could battle each other, I guess. I was kind of having fun with the whole thing so I got one just like his.

This past Saturday I took Ben and Jack, my next youngest son, out to a gathering of boys in a home school association to battle in a field set with barricades and barrels and trees and things to crouch behind and try to eliminate their opponents with a well placed plastic BB shot before being eliminated themselves. Even the dads got out there and involved in the battle. I took turns with Jack, sharing my gun with him, so he could get some battle time. It was hot, being August in Texas usually is, but we all had a pretty good time. There were a wide range of guns and some were the cheap ones and some were very fast and accurate. Those are the guys you wanted on your own team.

Well, now I am hooked, much to the jubilation of Ben who is thouroughly enjoying a common interest with his dad. This group gets together once a month and I am pretty sure we will be there ready for battle.

I love the fact that it is a common interest and we boys can share this and enjoy it together. I am a noob to the airsoft world and have been sort of reading and gathering info online about caring for the guns to keep them in good condition and what guns are good and what are not and the ins and outs of upgrading parts in the guns to make them shoot faster and straighter. There's a whole bunch of people out there completely into this stuff. To the point that they put on full combat gear when they go battle. We're not quite there yet but we are enjoying learning this together and I cherish the boy time with my boys as we can compete and play war and be boys. I hope it will be memories they will have their entire lives and can tell their grandkids about how they used to go out with their dad and shoot each other on the battlefield in the hot Texas summer.

I Hate Wasps

I've only been stung once in my life by a wasp but it made enough of an impression to create a hatred of the little beasts. That and they are just creepy and evil looking anyway. But I am still the resident defender against bugs here at our house and have killed many a wasp.

Just as a side note here, I have learned that a solution of soapy water sprayed on a wasp or bee will kill it almost instantly without any nasty, toxic chemicals. Something to do with the little creep not being able to breathe through the soapy water since they breathe through pores. I believe that is right.

Anyway, we've had this little wasp's nest sitting on a shelf for months. I don't even remember where it came from but it was knocked down from somewhere and put aside as something to dissect and see what's inside. We are always on the lookout for examples of what they learn in good old science. Well, it has sat and sat and been forgotten for literally months. Finally, my wife was studying natural science with my 8 year old son. When I got home from Lowes after a trip to get some drywall supplies and some mulch for new landscaping stuff, she told me now would be a great time to cut that thing open and see what's inside. She and I had debated a little over if we waited long enough if wasps might hatch out of it. I said "no" and she was thinking it was possible.

None ever did, but upon cutting into it, there were five baby wasps in it that never hatched out. They were very dead and dry but intact. They were fully formed and not in the larval stage but looked like they were ready to hatch. There was also one "tube" of the nest that had no wasp (I am guessing the larva never made it or something like that) but there was a dried up and dead baby caterpillar, which is what the paper wasp puts in for the larva to feed on.

We got the magnifying glass out and took close looks at the eyes and stingers and compared them to pictures in the books. I saw my son applying what he just learned to what he was seeing. It was fun for him to see it up close and it was fun for me to see him having fun with it. I wish we would've had a microscope to really look close. We used to have a little, cheesy one but it has gone the way of broken and forsaken toys.

Anyway, we enjoyed the adventure of it together. Something so simple and I was thinking that the kids will probably remember that little chunk of time for the rest of their lives. They might tell their kids about the time they cut open a wasp's nest with dad to see what was inside and saw dead, baby wasps in there. That's how easy it is to create good times and memories with them, I guess. Sometimes I forget that.

The Nest

Opening the nest

Caterpillar

Wasp

Emerging wasp (nice photo from external unknown source)

Love Brings Discipline

We have a friend and neighbor who was being baptized this past weekend and invited us to come and celebrate that occasion with her. We had not been to the church she attends before (The Village Church) but I know a few people who attend there and I have a friend that knows their pastor (Matt Chandler) very well and has nothing but good things to say about him. So we loaded up all the kids Saturday night and headed up there.

There were four people being baptized that night and each gave their testimonies, which was really nice to hear, and then Pastor Matt spoke for a bit. He basically ran through some of their core values that they started the church with about four years ago. He ran through them pretty quickly as his time was limited by the baptisms and they were having communion that night, also. But he said something that caught my attention and the more I've thought about it, the more I realize that this one comment may change my entire being forever. He said, "Love brings discipline, but discipline never brings love."

I have come to realize that everything about me that I do not really like, besides all that corruption from a fallen world, can be summed up in that sentence. I focus on doing the right things because I am supposed to instead of doing the right things because I love Jesus. I discipline my children to "force" righteousness on them, so to speak. Do it my way whether you want to or not because I said to do it that way. But I believe that is the wrong approach and will end in failure of a kind. I need to discipline them in a way that is correction in love so that they will WANT to be obedient because they love me and want to please me, and they love God and want to please Him. I have not completely hashed this all out in my head but it has made an impact on me and is working on me.

When I mentioned this to my friend who knows Pastor Matt, he said that Matt would be there in the office (we work in a ministry) the next day and I should tell him this story.

Well, Pastor Matt came and my friend brought him to me and introduced us and told Matt that I had a story. I told it by stating that one sentence he said that night changed the foundation of who I am. He responded with, "Since Saturday?" Well, it's a work in progress. He was very gracious and accessible as far as standing there talking to me, someone he doesn't know at all who happened to attend his church one time to see a friend get baptized. He talked and listened and I appreciated him and his willingness to do so. I've known (and know) pastors of larger congregations that are not accessible at all. I understand that somewhat as they would be suffocated by their (fans) flock if they didn't put the cushion between them and the (fans) flock that they do. But I appreciate a pastor who is accessible and Pastor Matt was. Have I beat that horse enough?

Anyway, it is a work in progress but I am praying for it to be a permanent change in my character and a new direction in thinking for me. I like the idea and want to repeat my thanks to Pastor Matt for sharing it with me. I will try to share my progress/struggles/experiences of this attempted life-change as it goes.

Trip to the Zoo, My Darling

The kids (oldest four) and I took a trip to the Ft. Worth zoo recently. We left mom and the baby at home to have a much needed restful (and quiet) day. I love the zoo. This was Henry's (21 months) first trip to the zoo so that was fun to watch.

The kids and I enjoyed the orangutans, who always seem to steal the show. They were begging for grapes that someone was throwing to them. They even offered a trade of some little bit of stick or something to the holder of the grapes.


I think Ben (12) enjoyed the big cats as much as anything. The jaguar was up and pacing and he enjoyed see that.

We got to the otter exhibit just in time for feeding and that was a big attraction for them.

The lions could be heard roaring pretty much all throughout the day, except for when we were actually at the lion exhibit at which time they seemed to be sleeping heavily.

Our timing was perfect at the elephant exhibit, too. This was, by far, one of the best pictures I took all day. :) They were eating so they weren't too concerned about showing us that side of themselves.

The gibbons were very playful, as is usual, and the kids stayed there a long time to watch them wrestle and swing and climb.

Last time we went to this particular zoo, which was several years ago, Lydia (now 9) lost me in the reptile house. I totally panic when that happens in a crowd and I was in a praying frenzy as I looked for her that day. This trip we made it two for two when Jack (7) lost me in that same reptile house. I just about wanted to shake the boogers right out of him when I did find him because that praying frenzy takes a year or two off my life every time. He had found this little cave you could climb into near the bat exhibit to show the habitat of bats. I guess he should've told me first, huh? That's what I told him anyway.

When I tried to get a straw for my not quite two year old for his milk at lunch, I was informed by the zoo staff member running the cash register in the lunch stop of our choice that they do not allow straws for the safety of the animals. I am not exactly sure what threat a straw is to the animals but we had to find an alternative. They actually had those little stir-sticks for coffee that are sort of little straws and we just used one of those. Is that not the same threat as a regular straw? Again, I am apparently ignorant of the reasoning there but I am sure there was good reason in there somewhere. I just didn't weather the challenge well at that point in my day as I was trying to wrangle everyone (who all wanted different things for lunch and changed their minds frequently and wanted to go everywhere and touch everything while in line and hang on the rope things that separate the lines like the monkeys we'd just seen recently). I probably didn't have the kind and smooth tones of someone in total control of his situation as I questioned what I would use in place of a straw for my ~2 year old since they would not give me one. Another failed opportunity to show Christ-like character in a tough spot. I wish I could go back and try that one again.

What trip to the zoo would be complete without the stinky garbage can with the bees circling around it?

I am a little disappointed that the Ft. Worth Zoo doesn't have the aquarium with all the big fish in it. Fish are my favorite attraction so I miss them there. I think our next trip will be to the aquarium.

The weather was very nice for it being January, and we all really enjoyed the day. I hope we are building some happy memories for all the kids because I know I am for me.