Focus

One thing I struggle with is being too focused on me. What I mean by that is I am very caught up in my thinking and my actions in me. I think of me, I do things I want or think I need. I get so into me that I get myself depressed when things don't work out like I want. It's really kind of childish. I see the same traits in my children. I scold them for it and then turn around and do the same sort of junk myself only on an "adult" level... whatever that really means. I spend so much time and energy pleasing myself (or trying to, anyway) that my service to those around me, including my God, suffers greatly.

This blog is about what I consider my God-given mission at this point in my life... fatherhood. I can absolutely guarantee that being focused on myself is a sure and absolute way to not be performing up to my full potential as a father. A mission is about service... to God, to others. At least the kind of mission I am talking about here. I cannot possibly serve God or others while trying to make sure I am doing all I want to do. IT IS NOT ABOUT ME. That is a theme that I've tried to remember for the past four years or so that started this entire thing. I am an insignificant part of the greater plan. Not that God can't use me significantly in any way that He chooses... It's that what I am or what I can do or what I want is infinitesimal compared to the greater plan. It's what God can use me for, what He can do through me that is significant.

I believe we were not put here to enjoy things. Not that finding joy in our work or even play is bad. But I believe that there is no promise that we will be happy. There is no promise we will not suffer. In fact, I believe that suffering is sort of a big part of it all. Christ suffered greatly for something He didn't even do... He suffered for us. He died for us. That's torture and death... And I can't even find the strength to think of others during my selfish day.

This stream of consciousness blabbering is not something I've sat and thought about... it's just something I am thinking about. I literally just sat down and started typing. Basically, I struggle with selfishness and I believe that limits my effectiveness as a father, husband, employee, Christian, etc. I also believe it contributes to my inability to find joy in my days. That is something else I struggle with. I want so badly to find joy in the everyday, mundane, God-given tasks... in all that I do. I know it's there. I just have to forget about me and make the focus on those I am serving. I believe that might be a good start. Well, pray for me if you care to. Thanks.