1 Timothy 5:8; Is this the verse that says WE can choose the size of our family?

"But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8

This verse was suggested as a response to my last post as a verse that may allow us to decide the size of our family instead of leaving that up to God.

Are we only to provide support for our immediate family?

The problem with taking this verse to support the point made, is that it is taken out of context. Here is the entire portion which in my Bible, is under the title, "Honor True Widows."

Honor widows who are really widows. But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God. Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day. But she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives. And these things command, that they may be blameless. But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:3-8

At first glance, verse 8, when standing alone, seems to be talking about our wives and children. That would support the argument that providing for a large family may be very difficult and the children in a large family would suffer because there isn't enough provision for them or dad has to work too much to provide for them. Therefore, we should limit the number of children we have because, obviously, we humans know best about how many children we can adequately provide for. Not to mention that we only have so much love to go around, how could we possibly have enough love for a large number of children? (Honestly, I believed all of this at one time so I am not being sarcastic and mean here).

I will get to why that argument is unbiblical and incorrect in a bit but I will address the verse first. If we look at the verse in the context of the entire fifth chapter of 1 Timothy we will see that the provision in verse eight is not so much monetary provision for our children but spiritual support for the elderly in our family and in our church, specifically widows, more specifically good widows. My MacArthur study Bible says of verse three, "'To show respect or care,' to support,' or 'to treat graciously.' Although it includes meeting all kinds of needs, Paul had in mind here not only this broad definition, but primarily financial support." The next two verses describe what makes a good widow:

"...She has been a good wife of one man, (referring to a woman who has been devoted and faithful to her husband) well reported for good works: if she has brought up children, if she has lodged strangers, if she has washed the saints' feet, if she has relieved the afflicted, if she has diligently followed every good work." 1 Timothy 5:9 - 10

I find it interesting that the first trait of a "good widow" is that she was a good and faithful wife to her husband and the second is she has brought up children. This is talking about a "Christian mother who has nourished or reared children that have followed the Lord." 1

A common mistake is to take verses out of context when looking for support for what we think is right, while forgetting to read the entire passage. It really does make a big difference.

What are we supposed to provide?

As far as the provision argument, what are WE providing? Cable TV? Two Cars? Replica football jerseys with the favorite players' names on them? The things that our affluent society has convinced us that we need to be giving our children doesn't necessarily fall under God's category for provision. There is a book titled When You Rise Up by R.C. Sproul, Jr. that goes into more detail about what we are truly responsible for providing for our children than I have room for. Highly recommended reading.

As for material goods, I contend that WE provide nothing and God provides all. I support this as follows:

"You may give them their food in due season. What you give them they gather in; You open Your hand, they are filled with good." Psalm 105:27 - 28

"Who gives food to all flesh, for His mercy endures forever." Psalm 136:25

"He gives to the beast its food, and to the young ravens that cry." Psalm 147:9

And of course the ever popular:

"Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" Matthew 6:26

God is a provider. Not that we are to be sinfully idle but that we trust that God will provide for our needs. That doesn't mean every worldly desire we have, but for our needs. My wife and I are in the middle of figuring out what needs really are. We used to think that cable t.v. was a need, but one look at our budget will tell anyone that it really isn't. So we have nixed cable, in addition to cell phones, eating out, new CD's, movie rentals.....the list goes on.

This whole thing is ALL about faith. We can't have faith that God knows how big our family should be and then doubt that he will provide for our needs. Is it difficult or a struggle to provide for a large family? Sure. There are many struggles and yes, things get very tight. We just had to put braces on our oldest boy and that is $2500+ for the first phase. Today I just went to the doctor to see why I've been sick for a week and don't seem to be getting better and it turns out I have pneumonia. It also turns out that it's kind of an expensive thing to have as far as prescriptions and such go. But, again, struggle is not necessarily a bad thing. Oh, I know, we all want to be comfortable and happy, but that tends to make us complacent and self-reliant. Do I wonder how all this gets paid for? Yes, I do. But I also must believe that God will provide for our needs when He feels the time is perfect, for His timing is perfect, even when it doesn't correspond to our timing.

I used to think differently!

I know exactly how the other side of this argument feels because I was there. I simply did not want to believe that God wanted us to go against good old American society and trust Him with so much. I was so adamant at not wanting to believe it that I convinced myself that I knew what I was talking about and didn't need God or His Word to tell me anything. That is a dangerous place to be, my friends, because typically if God really wants your attention it will take a very humbling and difficult situation in your life to bring you around.

Where's the love?

As far as the love argument, that we don't have enough love to go around for a whole bunch of children...well, I believed that once upon a time, too. I look back now and wonder how I did. There is always enough love. Some people watch twelve to fourteen TV shows a week and have enough love for all of them but we worry if we have enough love for our own, God-given children. Seriously, it's not about spreading or dividing love between your children. There is no limit on love. You love them all and the source (i.e., God) is eternal and endless.

So are we irresponsible because we throw caution to the wind and have more children just because we want to? First off, it's not about whether we want to have more children or not. It's about having faith that God knows how many we are supposed to have. We aren't trying to have more children, but we aren't trying not to, either. And if having faith in God is irresponsible, then sign me up. If what we are doing goes against the common sense of today's culture, that seems like a good thing to me.

1 Corinthians 1:20 says, "Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?"

UPDATE: I want to clarify something. After re-reading the above again, it sounds like I could be saying let God take care of everything and you don't have to do anything to take care of your family. That's not what I am saying at all. We were created for work and God doesn't always just give things to us without working for them. We do have to work and we do have to put forth effort to take care of our families. What I was saying above is there is a generous amount of faith that we must have when trying to follow the path that we believe God has put us on. If you are doing what He wants, He will take care of you, but you will still have to work for it. I don't want someone to think I am saying they don't have to take care of their families because they are supposed to just have faith that God will give them what they need without having to do anything for it. :)


1 John MacArthur - The MacArthur Study Bible - Thomas Nelson, Inc. 1997

All scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.